Dear Microsoft//

Today’s world is one of choice. Some are simple: iOS or Android? Collect or deliver? Sky or Virgin? Red or white? Daddy or chips? Some, more complicated: Tesco, Sainsbury’s, Asda, Waitrose, Morrison’s, Co-op, Lidl or Aldi? Reebok, Nike, Adidas, New Balance, Converse, Vans or Puma?

And then there is the most basic of choices – yes or no. Whilst we may suffer choice paralysis over deciding what supermarket has the best offers, or trainers that offer the coolest designs, the yes / no choice is often by far the easiest one to make.

And this, dear Microsoft, seems the one thing that you haven’t quite grasped. When the time comes to change my car, I will go through a process of deciding budget, key extras, colour and whether I’m looking for a coupe, estate etc. Then once shortlisted, I’ll take a test drive, before finally deciding which one to go for.

What I don’t expect is for the other car manufacturers to then bombard me on a weekly basis ad infinitum asking me if I’d like to buy their car.

As an agency, if we pitch for a piece of business and we lose, I don’t then continue to call the prospect weekly to ask if they still want us to do their rebrand.

I suspect that they would quickly become quite annoyed and it would leave them with quite a negative feeling towards us.

Imagine then, if you will, that we then went ahead anyway and created a whole new brand identity for the client and then surprised them with a contract to sign off on the terms and conditions before launching. At this point, they’d be really angry and I’m guessing some shouting and expletives might occur.

You see Microsoft, this is how I currently feel about you and Windows 10. When you initially asked me if I’d like to upgrade to Windows 10, I was flattered. Ooh, something exclusive, new and improved for nothing, how lovely. But, having considered the upgrade I realised I was actually pretty happy with Windows 7 Professional, and besides, we already had plans in the pipeline to upgrade to 365, so I said no.

Microsoft. I tolerate your Windows updates, which seem to start installing at the most inappropriate moments. But on this, you are like an annoying sex pest after a first date. Pester power is cute from a four-year-old but not from a global software developer. Please understand that no means no. I understand that the second time you asked me; maybe I’d said no in error? But then there was the third, fourth, fifth, sixth etc. etc. and then I came into work yesterday to find you’d tried to date rape my PC by trying to install it at night, after I’d left the office. Without my knowledge or permission.

Marketing is about identifying, anticipating and satisfying customer requirements profitably – I get that you’re ticking the first two boxes, but I certainly don’t feel like a satisfied customer. I feel like a customer in need of a restraining order.

Yours,

Victoria